The Adventures of Dumbleydor, Part II
by BoomboomPOWWWW
Summary: The forever wise and old Dumbley-dor is on the heels of the new Dark Lord, Rom Tiddle! And what's this, Grindelwald? Skunks? Hilarity ensues! One-shot


A/N: Hi humans and aliens and other animals alike. Welcome to part II of my parody, Adventures with Dumbley-dor. Now a (fictional) cookie to whomever finds what this story is (loosely) based on! =D

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Adventures with Dumbley-dor, Part II

Now our story begins, once upon a time in the land Over A Sea Away. It was not any ordinary land, no, but a land full of fire breathing lizards (mistakenly called dragons), ugly screeching mermen (often mistook for mermaids), and most of all, witches and wizards of all sizes and ages. In this world lived a terribly old man called Abe Percy Wulfy Bribe Dumbley-dor.

Dumbley-dor is an odd, grandfatherly man, with a ridiculously long white beard. Being colourblind, he is often dressed in the most clashing robes, of bright neon oranges and lime greens. Most would describe him as senile and batty, although he would just smile at you with a twinkle in his squinty blue eyes and offer you a lemon drop. Many would not think of Dumbley-dor as the great leader of Light, the headmaster of the prestigious (and only) school of magic, Hogwash , and the defeater of the previous Dark Lord, Grindelwald. But that was a long time ago, and many do not believe the words of a senile and crazy old man anymore. So when he began spewing rumours that Rom Tiddle is another Dark Lord in training, many disregarded that notion.

'He's just an old attention getter, what does he know? He should be retired by now!'

So who's Rom Marvolo Tiddle? In Rom's ideal world, Rom would be rich, smart, tall and graceful, with smooth and silky jet black hair, wide chocolate brown eyes and a porcelain complexion. In his ideal world, every girl wanted him, every man wanted to be him and they would all bow down to his greatness and kiss his robes.

But it is not the ideal world, and Rom was poor, idiotic in a smart way, clumsy and gangly. He had a messy mop of tar black hair and wide poop brown eyes that popped from his ghostly white complexion. Indeed, he was the (rotten) apple of the world's eye. every girl spurned him, every man teased him and their dirty footprints were forever imprinted in his back. But what the world doesn't know is that behind the mask of clumsy intelligence stood a bitter and violent man, bent on taking over the world. He had the dream of world take-over since he was old enough to think, and discovering the world of magical wonder just enforced that dream. His followers, however few there are, are called the Death Eaters, who in turn called Rom Lord Voldemort - flight from death - for his biggest fear was death. The only person that stood in his way was his professor, Abe Percy Wulfy Bribe Dumbley-dor, and his Army of Flaming Roasted Chicken (aka. The Order of the Phoenix).

Dumbley-dor already knew all this, however. But Dumbley-dor can't do anything to Rom Tiddle publicly, for the world is very wary of the Great Abe Dumbley-dor. So he began plotting as to how to expose Rom to world as the evil that he was. All he needed was solid proof, memories could count as well, since we ARE talking about magic here.

Anyhow, Dumbley-dor discovered that Rom was on his way to visit the once fearsome, violent, evil yet charismatic dark lord, Gellert Grindelwald. According to his spy Rom wanted to get some advice on how to start his own army of fearsome warriors, since he can't just take over the world by himself. But Grindelwald was locked up in a tower, and the only way Rom could've reached Grindelwald was through the Forbidden Forest, near the Hogwash School for Wizardry and Witchcrap, whom Professor Dumbley-dor just happened to be the headmaster of.

Rom arrived at the edge of the forest, looking over his shoulders with every step. It wouldn't do if he were to get caught! He tip-toed past the woods, making not a bit of sound. He paused as he heard a branch break, stood still, and then continued on his way. He started running the minute the school was out of sight. However, Rom soon found himself lost. He found himself at a forked path. Confused, he sat there and waited for the answer to come. It was then when he saw a dark figure in the woods.

It was Dumbley-dor pretending to be a centaur, a creature with a human top and a horse bottom. Instead, Dumbley-dor had a brown and ugly horse costume with the head chopped off, and inserted his head and torso through the hole. He moved the hind legs with the help of magic, of course. He also had with him a fake, plastic, bow and arrow, trying to prevent Rom from reaching Grindelwald. Of course, Rom was in dire need of glasses, as he thought it was a real, live, centaur with a very sharp arrow. Rom was also in dire need of common sense, but hey! Who needs common sense when you have magic?

'Mars is currently aligned with Saturn, it is most ominous indeed. If you reach the tower, then the world shall be doomed! Do you wish to die, young grasshopper?' Asked the 'wise' old centaur.

'Phfft, I won't die. I'm Lor- I mean, Rom Marvolo Tiddle! I'm never going to die! Now step aside and point me the route to the tower, foul beast!'

You can tell he wasn't in a good mood.

'And why do you wish to visit the tower of the former dark lord, young one?' Dumbley-dor asked, narrowing his eyes. '_Finally,'_ he thought, '_I'll have proof of his evilness!'_

Rom, although is lacking in common sense, was smart enough not to state his goal. Instead, he told the half man-beast, ' I'm delivering food to the former Dark Lord! I mean, how else do you think Grindelwald gets food in his tower? By magic? He's in an isolated tower with iron shackles that forbids magic for Merlin's sake!'

Dumbley-dor the 'Centaur' could see no fault in the logic. He tried so hard, he did, but eventually he gave in.

'Well if that's what you're doing, then go right ahead! The path to the tower lies where the mosses grow,' the costumed man pointed to a long, winding and dangerous path.

'Are you certain? You're not lying to me, are you? Nobody lies to me! tell me the truth!' Demanded the rude delinquent.

'Why of course I'm telling the truth! You honestly didn't think the path to the tower was easy, did you?'

Rom hesitated, face twisted in a thought. After a while, he slowly nodded and, with a gulp, turned on his heel, right down the dark and winding path filled with acromantulas, giant human sized, poisonous spiders. He never gave the centaur behind him another look, or else he would've seen the horseman smile slightly. Dumbley-dor held a hope that Tiddle would die on the road, or at least to be weakened enough that he could easily kill him. He nodded to himself, satisfied with his logic and then the old man, still in his ugly centaur costume, galloped down the shortcut through the woods.

Dumbley-dor soon arrived at the tower where Grindelwald dwells. It was a large, grey, somewhat dirty and downright miserable place, right in the eye of an always raging tornado. To an outsider, that is. To be quite honest, nobody has ever wanted to visit, much less get into the tower, for half a century. Therefore, most people would simply assume that the tornado is always churning. But that is not the case, the tornado only appears if it 'senses' somebody approaching. Therefore, when Dumbley-dor came, galloping along, the tornado naturally came up.

Not willing to get caught in the tornado, Dumbley-dor slowed to a trot and eventually, stopped just at the edge of the winds. He quickly took off his centaur costume, vanished it (by magic, of course), and looked around. All grey with not a spec of green. How typical. Then a yellow flash caught his eye. The old man cautiously walked over to a sickly greenish-yellow cone shaped plant and curiously, began to tickle it. After a few seconds, a startled voice came through the cone.

'Ah it's so long since I've had a visitor! Who are you, pray tell?' Asked the voice.

'Oh it talks! I mean, er, it's Rom! Rom Tiddle! I'm your, um, greatest admirer and I've brought you some cookies! I mean, not cookies, Chicken! Roasted Chicken!' Stammered Dumbley-dor, tripping over his words. He couldn't exactly tell Grindelwald that it was Dumbley-dor, his arch-nemesis and one-time friend now could he?

'Ah, well that's new! I've hadn't had a visitor in ages! Come right in, come!" No sooner had the voice say that, did the tornado stop. That was when Dumbley-dor had a proper eyeful of the place. It was more miserable and grey than he originally thought, with no plant life at all aside from that funny look plant. And now with the wind gone a powerful foul stench of rotten eggs and burnt rubber hit him. The smell mixed in with the scenery made the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

'_Just exactly WHAT is that foul smelling stench? Oh I think I'm about to puke,' _thought the ailing professor. Indeed, the poor old man was barely able to make it through the looming doors of the tower when he threw up all that was left of his lunch.

'Just what exactly is that foul smelling stench?' Asked the frail man. "My eyes are watering! And my poor nose! And tha- is that SKUNKS I see right there?'

'Ah yes, welcome Rom, to my wonderful abode! I don't get many visitors here you see, and most of my pets has long since run away from me. The skunks are the only ones that are willing to stay with me throughout the years... aren't they wonderful? Here, let me introduce them to you: the big one with one white stripe is Nami, that small one is called Vivi, that fearsome hulk of a skunk is called Zoro, and that little midget is called Luffy... oh, but my favourite skunk is that one. You see that dead stuffed skunk on the wall? He was my first friend, I named him Wolfy, after my bestestestestest friend Abe Percy Wulfy Bribe Dumbley-dor! I'm sure he won't mind me naming my first skunk after him, he already has so many names he won't miss one!' Proclaimed the deranged Gellert Grindelwald, who has gone completely off the rocker from long-term isolation. 'Oh and over ther-'

Grindelwald didn't get to finish his sentence as Dumbley-dor stunned him with magic. He fell over backwards onto a skunk-skin couch, and fell unconscious. Dumbley-dor sighed, relieved from the aimless chatter. He quickly decided to use whatever political power he has left to transfer Grindelwald to a nicer, sunnier tower. But first, Dumbley-dor used his magical wand to clean up the current tower. He chased away the skunks that made the place home, he vanquished the foul stenches that filled the air and the place became free of dust. Soon, he heard a mysterious screeching sound coming from under the bed.

Dumbley-dor bent down to his knees and heard his back crack. Slowly, he reached under the bed and pulled out the same sickly greenish-yellow cone shaped plant from outside.

'Hello?' He said, cautiously.

'GACK it talks! I mean, er, Greetings, oh great Grindelwald! My name is Rom Tiddle! I'm your, um, biggest fan and I've brought you some questions! I mean, not questions, Chicken! Roasted Chicken!' Out stammered a voice, that sounds for all intents and purposes like a croaking toad.

Thinking quickly, Dumbley-dor made a decision. 'Haven't ya heard, idiot? Dey've moved de great Grindelwald to da famous prison tower, Nurmengard! I've bought dis place for two half-sixty hundred galleons, after getting all dat disgusting skunk smell out! Now ya've better go find yarself in da middle of da sea if ya wanna see de great Grindelwald! Now SHOO off my property ya twerp!' Dumbley-dor yelled in his most frightening, gangsta accent. It must've worked for Rom Tiddle was gone after Dumbley-dor came out, two hours later.

Dumbley-dor breathed a sigh of relief, and using magic, called the Knights of Law to the prison tower. Soon a group of knighted Knights arrived, cursing as the tornado kicked up. But the headmaster, using all of his odd knowledge quickly dispersed the winds, using a mix of wand twirling and pig-latin. He had to us an abbreviated explanation to the knights as to why he was there, since he couldn't exactly tell them that he wanted to stop Rom Tiddle aka. Dark Lord in Training, they would just think he's gone off the deep end too. After accepting the excuse, the knights quickly went into the tower, grabbed Grindelwald before he woke up and carried him off to the other tower, Nurmengard. Now That tower is a quite the grim and scary fortress, with tall black walls, an even higher tower and no doors, set upon a backdrop of a stormy sea and black, thundering clouds.

'_Phew, that's one trouble averted! Now the only way for Rom Tiddle to get to Nurmengard is if he somehow develops magical abilities to fly_!' Thought Dumbley-dor, pleased with his plan.

Of course, he would never know that decades afterwards, Rom Tiddle would indeed grow his army of Death Eaters, nor would he know that Rom Tiddle did eventually see Grindelwald. But that is another adventure for another time, so stay tuned for the next instalment!


End file.
